Essay # 3 Cause Effect The Higher Power A person can’t say that just once in their life they never questioned the way things were, or the purpose of their life. Young people often have many questions about religion and God but no one to answer or willing to answer their questions. Their are many times when people just choose not to believe in anything. They choose to try and deal with things on their own. For young people this is a very difficult task.
People need something to believe in, whether it be a heaven and hell, an afterlife of some kind or someone that watches over them. If they don’t life can be a long lonely difficult journey with you never finding the happiness that you seek. The effects of a higher power, which I have long overlooked, have played a great deal in my life. When I was growing up I was raised in a Catholic community. I even went to a Catholic school.
Life wasn’t very kind to me at an early age. My parents divorced when I was 13 and I was sent to live with my mother. In all my years of religion and my faith in God, I questioned why? But yet I received no answer from this supreme being. I often fought with my mother and rarely saw my father except on the weeks I was allowed to see him. My belief in a higher power started to fade.
I stopped going to church about three months after their divorce. I tried coping with the loss of what I called a family life and again asked why this had to happen to me. I grew up pretty fast after the divorce. I worked hard in school and found a job at a local video store that took up the majority of my time. I worked most holidays, especially Christmas, so I wouldn’t have to choose which parent to visit.
Every Christmas I would go to midnight mass and I prayed. The problem was that I didn’t know who or what I was praying to. After a while it seemed pretty 2 senseless and what was left of my higher power diminished in the wind. The only time I ever spoke to my higher power was when something went wrong. It was his fault my life was ending up the way it was. I later decided to move in with my father.
This didn’t go over at all with my mother. It seemed she was more worried about her child support check than me. When the court battle was finally over, custody was awarded to my father on the condition that my mother never had to pay a penny of child support. I felt empty and alone. I didn’t want to talk to anyone about how I felt, and I certainly didn’t want to talk my higher power.
If anything I wanted to blame him for everything. The loneliness of my life, the hatred that I felt for my mother; I blamed him. Later in high-school, about my junior year, I fell in love for the first time. Her name was Dana and she was the nicest thing to me. I eventually started to talk to her and we became friends. We dated for about 4 months and just when things were going really well she ended it and just wanted to be good friends.
I was crushed, angered, and once again alone. I couldn’t possibly imagine what I was doing wrong. I indulged myself in even more work to hide from the pain that I was feeling. I felt like I was being punished by my higher power, I just didn’t know why. With college getting close I started to narrow down schools of my choice.
I picked a school out of state away from home. It was my chance at starting fresh. This chance was clearly denied three months before the semester was scheduled to begin. With out-of-state tuition costing so much and hardly receiving a penny from financial aid, I had to turn down the program I worked so hard to get into; a class that only accepted 32 students into their design department. With so much working against me I picked a two year school, Jefferson College. I felt 3 defeated and overwhelmed.
I started to work too jobs to save for my tuition. Finally three days before my high-school gradation one of my good friends, Sarah, was hit by a drunk driver. She was only 17. Her killer walks the streets today, and still has court dates pending. She died three days after gradation. Instead of going to Project Gradation, I decided to go visit my friend in the Hospital at St.
Louis. As I entered intensive care, nothing could prepare me for what I saw. The once beautiful and full of life Sarah that I knew lay lifeless on the bed. Her brain had swollen to twice its original size and it was just a matter of time before she would be gone. For the first time in years I found myself praying and begging my higher power not to take her.
But it was no use, my prayers were once again unanswered. At her funeral the priest talked of the place Sarah was now and how God was taking care of her. What God would put her family through all of this. All I knew was that my friend Sarah was gone, buried in the cold Earth. No visions of angels embracing her for heaven came to mind.
As time pressed on I was still alone searching for a companion. Someone to share my dreams with, and have a good time. I eventually found her across the room in my painting class. She was beautiful, sweet, but quiet. This made me even more curious to get to know her.
We eventually started talking and I found her to be very caring and understanding. I wanted to know her even more. One day after class she and a friend invited me for a coffee at a local Hardees. Next thing I knew we had scheduled a date. For the first time in years I was excited filled with so much emotion.
As our relationship progressed, I fell in love with her. I would make a 40 minute drive to see her after getting off work at 10:30 in the evening. I couldn’t wait to be with her and enjoyed her company. The only difference we seemed to have was that her religion was different than 4 mine. She made me want to grow closer to God, but something inside me, all those years of pain made it very difficult. Regardless, I loved her with all that is in me. After eight months I proposed to her and she excepted.
We talked of planning a wedding, where and when it would be, but most of all what kind. I was Catholic and she was non-denominational but I didn’t understand what the big deal was, after all we believed in the same God. We both decided to go to UMSL after we graduated from Jefferson College. We only lived about 300 yards from each other. We were together constantly, and although I hate to admit it I started to take her for granted. I always assumed that she would be there.
I was wrong again. After a year and two months she broke the engagement with me. Words can’t express the sadness and emptiness that I felt. She decided that she needed to get her life together and discover God in her life. It wasn’t that she didn’t love me, or hate me, because deep down I know she does.
I spent the next few days thinking about my life and my experience with my higher power. I realized how much I didn’t include him with anything. I resented him so much that I couldn’t think of any times that I thanked him, I mean really thanked him for the good in my life. It has taken me over 21 years to come to grips with my higher power and his existence. Although I don’t have the solutions to everything, I have come to a conclusion. No matter how lost or alone anyone feels they will always have someone to confide in, it’s your higher power.
Whether you call him God, Allah, or anything else he is your higher power. It is the person that you can talk to, yell at, pray to, and ask questions. Although he may never speak to you, he hears and understands everything. He does not cause pain, suffering, or death; but helps you cope and deal with it. When you are alone and depressed it is he that comforts you 5 and drys your tears.
He is a forgiving power and full of love. Everything that I have in my life I owe to him. This may sound kind of extreme but once I started to think, it all started to make sense. God didn’t make my parents divorce, it was their free will. He never tried to make things difficult with me because I lost faith in him, he loves me unconditionally.
He didn’t kill my friend, or take her away from me, the drunk driver did. He embraced her and took away her pain the moment she stopped breathing. As hard as it seemed he didn’t take away my beloved fianc. She will always be a part of my life in my memories and as a friend. If anything he has worked through her.
She showed me what love truly felt like. If I had it to do all over again I would do it without hesitation. She has helped me find myself, and my higher power. I prefer to call him God. I don’t feel angry but blessed that God would allow me to spend as much time as I was with her.
Having a higher power in your life is a treasure that everyone should have. Regardless of what you think or believe, he is there. Having a higher power could have made life so much easier for me, but I’m glad I have found him. Talk and pray to whoever your higher power may be. Share your dreams, thoughts, hopes, and aspirations with him.
Love him, and acknowledge him. Whenever things don’t seem fair, just look for the good in the situation. It may not be visible, but your higher power can help you find it. Having someone else there when no one else can be is a blessing everyone should have.