Domestic Violence People who are close to one another need to trust each other. We should trust our parents not to hurt us, and to give us what we need to grow. Boys and girls should trust each other, as well as men and women. When someone is abused, the trust is broken. Domestic violence is the use of physical force within a home in any form of abuse.
Abuse can be a whole range of physical behaviour, slapping, hitting, beating, or using weapons to hurt someone. It includes verbal and emotional abuse, where someone is constantly insulted and made to feel sad and worthless. It can also include rape and sexual abuse. Sexual abuse is when someone forces another to have sexual intercourse or do other sexual things against their will. Another form of abuse is total control where one adult makes all the decisions for another person or for a whole family.
Family violence may start with an argument or even a fight, but it goes way beyond fighting. Some abusers were beaten as children, and others saw their parents use violence. Some abusers are uncomfortable with feelings like sadness, embarrassment, hurt, or even love. When these people have these feelings, they get angry, and then they get violent. Some abusers get violent when they run out of words, and some are drunk. Some abusers are jealous, mentally ill, or feel overwhelmed by problems.
Some are just mean. One thing all forms of family violence share is how they start. A desire to have control leads to the violence. Every year, at least one million women are physically, sexually, or psychologically abused by their husbands or common law partners. Two women are murdered by their male partners every week. Throughout much of the history of Western civilization, deep-seated cultural beliefs allowed women only limited roles in society.
Many people believed that women’s natural roles were as mothers and wives. These people considered women to be better suited for childbearing and homemaking rather than for involvement in the public life of business or politics. Widespread belief that women were intellectually inferior to men led most societies to limit women’s education to learning domestic skills. Well-educated, upper-class men controlled most positions of employment and power in society. Traditionally, female family members existed only in terms of their relationships to men.
As daughters, subject to the control and whim of fathers, women represented a means of economic or political gain through marital arrangements. As wives, they became their husbands’ property, and symbols of power and status. Violence against women served to coerce their acquiescence in this scheme and perpetuate subservience to male relatives. Legally permitted abuse of women continued to exist in many Western cultures until the late nineteenth century. Early Roman societies deemed a wife the property of her husband and therefore subject to his control.
According to early Roman law, a man could beat, divorce, or murder his wife for offenses committed by her which belittled his honour or threatened his property rights. Roman society considered enforcement of such rights of control essentially a private matter, and thus failed to subject the husband to either public scrutiny or disapproval. Both the Old and New Testament attest to the belief in early teachings in the obedience of women. Indeed, Eve’s creation from the rib of Adam provided an excuse for early preaching regarding women’s submissive role within the family. According to the teachings, a woman’s virtues included obedience, chastity, and passivity.
Failure to conform to those standards subjected to an unruly wife to death by mutilation or stoning. The misuse of the scripture to excuse the authority over women is unacceptable. Clearly, men and women are created equally in the image of God and are one in Christ. In his Apostolic Letter ‘On the Dignity and Vocation of Women,’ Pope John Paul II says that it is a sinful situation when a woman is, “the object of domination and male possession.” He affirms that the passage at 3:16 of Genesis (“Your desire shall be for your husband and he shall rule over you”) does not mean that men are created to rule over women. On the contrary, the “ruling over” that we have seen in history is the result of sin and broken relationships between God and humanity and among people.
All parents want their children to do the right thing, so when a child doesn’t eat or dress properly, a mother or father may be upset or even mad. But, an abuser doesn’t need a reason to be mad or hit. When an abuser gets violent, it is because of something that he or she sees, feels, or thinks. It is never because of something the child does. It is the parents’ role to provide for their children’s physical needs.
They must protect their children from physical harm and provide for their children’s needs for love, attention, and affection. Parents must protect their children from emotional harm and provide moral and ethical guidelines. Violence is only one method abusers use to get their way. They also threaten and deprive people of things they need to live, like money or food. Child abusers may lock children in the house during the day with no one to watch or feed them.
A woman abuser may take his wife’s money and pull out the phone. In many cases, the father is the active abuser and the mother is the silent partner. However, this is by no means the only family scenario. In some families, the mother is the active abuser and the father is the passive one. Most of the time, child and woman abuse do not occur together, however, in almost half of all homes where there are abused children, the mother is also abused.
One common belief is that when a husband hits his wife, she will then beat her children. Sometimes this is true. Mothers are responsible for about 30 percent of all child abuse. Women do most of the parenting in society, so when children are deprived of what they need to live, mothers are usually responsible. But, men commit most of the physical abuse, particularly when severe injury to children is involved.
The ‘battering cycle’ consists of three phases that could vary in timing and intensity for the same couple and from one couple to the next: tension-building or ‘stress stage’, the explosion of acute battering or the ‘abusive incident’, and loving remorse also called the ‘honeymoon phase’. During the stress stage, there is ongoing emotional strain between victim and abuser as tension and frustration grows. Unresolved conflict and previous feelings of anger burn inside an abuser like a volcano ready to explode. During the next phase, the violence occurs. He becomes driven from within and the physical action is even pleasurable. It releases the pent-up tension and rage.
The process feeds on itself, leading to faster and harder blows until the weapon is empty or destroyed or the abuser is exhausted. The repeat abuser becomes addicted to this tension release. It’s the only way he knows to rid himself of his bad feelings. When he finally explodes, his rage is uncontrollable. The victim is battered, verbally put down, sexually humiliated, threatened with violence and physically harmed.
This could result in minor injuries to even death. During the ‘honeymoon phase’ the victim and abuser try to forget what has happened. The abuser either displays loving behaviour in attempts to reconcile, flatly denies what has happened, or promises to change. The abuser may even be absent entirely from the scene. Abusers may mentally reconstruct the act in order to blame the victim for having provoked the aggression.
The victim tries to believe that the suffering is over and …